In a Room Painted with Sky

I exist in a large, large space. And I have absolutely no ambitions of filling it up. My small me in a large space is significant while I observe big people puffing themselves up to fill up the large space only making it uncomfortable for all of the other big, big people. I exist in a room painted with sky so that the parameters are so ambiguous that I actually have no idea where, when, or what I am in relation to those in the room. I only exist to myself in myself, constantly building myself, taking a moment here and a glace there to see that wow, I exist in a large, large space.

That was written last semester.

This summer—this blog—was spent in attempts to increase my size, to puff myself up because maybe I actually deserved to be one of those big people. Unastonishingly, I’ve deflated. A friend of mine brought to mind the Woody Allen quote: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” Luckily for me, the Supreme only chuckled as he nudged me closer to the path I am supposed to be on. Thank you for joining on me on this ride, as misguided as it may have been. I learned a lot this summer and how appropriate that I entitled this journey my “transition” into 22star14. That’s what this year is turning out to be: one gigantic transition. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), as I board the plane to elevate to a higher level, there’s a lot of baggage I’m having to leave behind. I foresee a very lame, empty semester. However, I am incredibly excited about how this story will end. This is the last of the artist formerly known as 22star14 lol, but hopefully not of this October Kind of Lover!

Ttfn.

Geronimo: An End of the Summer Ramble

The sun just set on the road to Atlanta. My venture back into the unknown fills me with anxiety and apprehension this time. I envision myself walking the plank with the pirates of Memphis at my back and the sharks of Morehouse in the sea. My journey into 22star14 is over, and there’s nothing to do but sink or swim. Geronimo!

It’s been quite a summer. Quite a hard summer.

But I made it! I accomplished most if not all of my summer goals, and now I am headed back to my second year at Morehouse College, ready to rock out. I often categorize my life into “Professional” and “Personal”. This summer, the Supreme has tried and tested both, turned them upside down, and set them for a fresh start:

Professional: (1) My internship was hell but I rocked it and showed myself how strong I was. (2) My finances at the end of the summer brought stress to the household and not only were a lot of my plans—like bringing my car to school—put on hold but were eliminated altogether. Parking tickets, towing expense, speeding ticket, and overdrawn checking account. In short, I learned I’m not a kid anymore and my family isn’t rolling in dough. (3) I am riding in this car back to Atlanta with the knowledge that it’s time for me to man up and take responsibilty because my parents aren’t going to be able to carry all of the weight any more. I have to handle my business academically and financially, and come out at the end of this year looking like a self-sustained man rather than a college kid depedent on his barely-making-it household.

Personal: (1) I started off in a long term relationship that I was willing to fight for and make work this time. I faught and worked, but the odds seemed to be against me. However, to the very end, I did not comprimise my values or back track into any bad habits. (2) When the time came for me to end it, I did so with surity and without drama. I trucked through the get-over-it period with my head held high and learned the value of my friendships, taking the time to nurture them instead of over-induldge myself in the pain of a broken heart. (3) At the very end of the summer, I gained the epiphany that a past is not the same as history, and after the lesson has been learned, you must turn your face back to the horizon and keep on walking toward the sun. Though, I do have to add that the Supreme definitely put some tokens of blessings in these past two weeks. I gained a bestie and found a little bit of Gold at the end of the rainbow—both of which were a little difficult to part with.

But the fact of the matter is, I am leaving all of that in my rear view mirror. I walk to edge of this plank, and am trying hard not to look behind me at the rough summer I had or the mysterious dangers that lurk beneath. I am staring and smiling at the sun setting over the horizon. In the glow over the ocean I can see the lessons learned—like letting go is as easy as trusting your own heart, like life’s a climb but the view is great, like give your all even when it feels like you have nothing left to give, or (my favorite) just go—and the alliances I’ve gained along the way—like my new cousin, Jasmin, my coworkers, Nick and Kiara, Andrew, my future wife lol, new Vincent, and a couple of mentors here and there.

I take all this in and say a prayer of graditude before 3…2….1….GERONIMO!!!!

Party at the rich kids' house...

Walking the neighborhood barefoot watching the moon and listening to Solange's ''Cosmic Journey.'' It's a little less than three weeks until my return to Morehouse. I suppose I should consider this my last phase of the 22star14 transition. This phase is pretty hard but the funny thing is this step is nowhere near as difficult as the first.

CAN YOU MAINTAIN COMPOSURE AND CONFIDENCE IN THE FACE OF INVOLUNTARY SOLITUDE?

This is the test of the next couple of weeks. I use the word solitude because over the years, the Supreme has taught me that I'm never alone; however, currently, the faces i trust enough to turn to in the midnight hours when something drives me from my bed to the moonlit streets of the world are and have faded into the very darkness i avoid. Solitude. One republic's song says all i need is the air i breathe and a place to rest my head. And even when I am down to the most meager of resources, i refuse to let go of my dreams, my goals, my values, or my self worth. Stay tuned for the final chapter of the transition. Even i don't know the grand finale... But i do know that I'm in store for nothing but absolute success.